What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
