The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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