dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize