mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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