So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
