She's JV to your varsity
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
