I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
