Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
