I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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