i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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