Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
