New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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