I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
