My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
