In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
