That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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