am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
