I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
