I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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