So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
