I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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