forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
