how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
what day is it and did you see me today?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
