I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize