there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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