You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
