Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
