I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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