Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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