someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
