I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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