Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
