we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Actions speak louder than pants.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
