I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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