Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
time to smoke my breakfast
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
