Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
