I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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