I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
