my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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