My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
