What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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