i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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