At least make sure they are 18
Why
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
