did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize