If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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