dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i love accidental penises.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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