Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
