i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
