no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
