i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
