it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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