Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
