sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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