My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
