Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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