I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
