Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think i got beer on your cat.
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