Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
