I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize