sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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