My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
