I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
