I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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