I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
