If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
