I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
