He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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