i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
