i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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