Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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