Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
