he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
