can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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