At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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