It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
